Golf Outing, Spring 2015
Our annual Class of 1964 spring golf outing transpired on Thursday, May 21, 2015 at the beautiful and renowned Yale Golf Course.
The photo at right is from the tee at the dreaded par 3 ninth hole, 190 yards over water to an impossible green. This hole has been ranked among the 100 most difficult holes in the United States.
In 1988, Golf Magazine ranked Yale as the 71st most difficult course in the world. Golfweek ranked Yale at #35 on its 2013 list of best classic courses. In 2011, Golf Magazine ranked the course #71 of the top 100 courses in the United States. In 2010, Golfweek named it the best campus course in the United States.
The following account of the outing was provided by our faithful reporter Chris Getman '64, whose journalistic talents have never been better.
Minutes of the 1964 Golf Outing May 21, 2015
McFarland adds wing to Putzel Mausoleum
The weather was crisp and clear. Hoffmann had a worried look on his face, fearful that his job might be in jeopardy.
Nineteen of an expected twenty golfers showed up for the usual pre-golf banter in Widdy’s. Huffard was a no-show, claiming to have been working on the merger between Vineyard Vines and Robert Hall (where the prices go up, up, up and the values go down, down, down). “It was too hard to pass up,” Jay texted. “Give my best to everyone.”
Present were Lee, Francis, Jones, Putzel, Lindsay, Edwards, Norman, Hetherington, Evans, T&W Wickwire, Hoffmann, his two ringers, Schultz and Chester, Schmidt, Nolan, Kalayjian, McFarland, and Getman a/k/a “Veritas.”
As usual, the foursome of Lee, Putzel, Francis, and Jones teed off without saying good-bye. They were awarded the automatic four-stroke penalty for a false start and taunting as Lee and Francis walked. Jones, just back from a triumph on the runway of the Haut Couture in Florence, was resplendent in his winning outfit, replete with a checked coat, class tie, striped shirt, plaid plus-fours, argyle socks, and tri-color shoes. “He reminds me of the psychedelic bus in which Ken Kesey and The Merry Pranksters toured the country in the late 60’s and became the subject of Tom Wolfe’s The Electric Kool-aid Acid Test,” quipped Edwards. A look of despair crossed McFarland’s face as Jones displayed his photo on the cover of Vanity Fair. After all, Farley in his tweed coat, tweed shirt, tweed tie, tan plus-fours, tweed socks, and tweed shoes was still reeling from his last-place finish in Florence. More on that later.
Putzel, along for the ride and beaming with pride that the Putzel Mausoleum in the Mory’s courtyard at $25 per lost ball (since dropped to $10) was receiving national acclaim, methodically stayed in the middle of the fairway for the entire round. Lee later texted that the reason his group left in such a hurry was because he was expecting a late-afternoon wind shift which would enable him to “surf” back to Boston in good time. Another two strokes were assessed to Lee’s foursome for his missing dinner.
Hoffmann and Schmidt with Chester and Schultz — both back from a FEMA sponsored stay in tornado-ravaged Oklahoma (which was in desperate need of sandbags) — were next on the tee. Schmidt, new to the group and down from Boston, quickly found himself in the hole by $20 for the Mory’s brick fund as his first two attempts splashed into the pond. With a bewildered look on his face, he pointed at the ninth green and lamented “I thought that was where we were going.”
As they were heading toward the first green, Chester pulled out one of his patented stogies and lit it up. Jim Baxter, who was on the DL, quickly pulled out his tape measure and checked the length of Chester’s cigar. (to be continued)
The Wickwires, Hetherington, and Evans were next and were quickly assessed two strokes for taunting, one for Tracy, who asked if she should play from the blue tees, and one for Evans who decided to walk. They were joined by Baxter who had injured himself by falling on a railroad track while chasing a cat . This is true.
The Getman/Veritas, McFarland, Kalayjian, and Nolan group was next. McFarland, still upset by his “fashion plate” defeat at the hands of Jones, immediately found himself down two balls as well. He ended up nine in the hole and commissioned an architect to design the “McFarland wing of the Putzel Mausoleum.”
Last, but not least, having been spurned by Huffard, was the trio of Lindsay, Edwards, and Norman. It was decided that on rotating, successive holes each player should play two balls as the formats was “best two ball net.” Norman was heard to gripe that “this is above my pay grade,” but trudged on valiantly nonetheless.
Things went smoothly, with Baxter kibitzing with the Wick, Butch, John foursome through 15 holes, departing because he “wanted to be the first at the bar at Mory’s.” The team posted a net 144 and attributed at least 16 strokes to misreads by Baxter, suspecting that he might have been on the take from members of another foursome. Evans was awarded a stroke for eliminating his “taunt” and was seen lying prone and panting hard on the back of Hetherington’s cart going from nine to ten.
Lee — who was already surfing up route 84 past Hartford by the time the last group had finished — with Francis, Putzel, and Jones (who was greeted by the paparazzi when entering Mory’s) turned in a net 137, not including the five penalty strokes (another was assessed because Lee didn’t stay for dinner), and were quickly removed from the conversation. Putzel, who refused the polygraph test usually administered at the end of a round, claimed with much fanfare that he had played the entire round with the same ball. Those involved with the construction of the Putzel Mausoleum stood in disbelief, until Jones was heard to mutter “that’s because he couldn’t hit it far enough to lose it.” It was also pointed out that Lee lost three balls, but found five, thus claiming he was owed money, while completely ignoring the rule that if you lose your ball you pay ten bucks. It was concluded that even though Lee is an accountant, he probably got his training at Arthur Andersen and cut his teeth auditing Enron. Hoffmann opined that if we were to assess Lee retroactively for his method of creative accounting, we could add yet another wing to the Putzel Mausoleum.
The threesome of Norman, Edwards, and Lindsay posted a 138. Word has it that Norman was lining up for a par putt on 18 when Lindsay said “it’s a torn pajama, one ball out.” When Norman did not pay heed to Lindsay’s advice and missed the putt, he stormed off in a hurry, costing his team a stroke for missing dinner. The threesome’s round was highlighted by Edwards’ pure birdie, net 1 on eight.
The Hoffmann foursome claimed a net 128 and nine lost balls, including five by Schmidt. They paid up promptly, and thinking that victory was assured, began an early celebration at the Mory’s pub. However it was noted by Baxter, enjoying the scotch provided by McFarland, that Chester’s cigar was ten inches long, violating the maximum length rule of nine inches, or an inch per hole, established in 1999. We all remembered the Billy Martin/George Brett pine-tar incident in the Yankee/K.C. playoffs and the Hoffmann foursome was docked a stroke for a net 129.
The Veritas foursome also posted a 128 net. Their round was highlighted by an event on the ninth hole. McFarland, whose defeat in Florence at the hands of Jones was still reverberating in his head, hooked his drive into the rough at the edge of the pond which Kalayjian immediately spotted resting beside a python who had snuck into Hetherington’s bag when he was playing a course in the Everglades. The python, which Putzel later described as “more like an earthworm,” showing his desire to keep McFarland’s ball, lunged at Farley who, showing great imagination and mental (as well as physical) dexterity, switched into his chameleon mode, quickly changing the color of his pants from tan to brown, thereby causing the bewildered python to slither back into the pond. For this act of bravery, Farley was awarded a stroke, bringing the Veritas foursome in at 127 and earning the victory.
At Mory’s, our presence was enhanced by the arrival of Rebecca Hetherington and Toddie Getman, who contributed greatly to both the lively conversation and the overall attractiveness of the group. Points were awarded to the foursomes to whom Rebecca and Toddie were attached.
The event at Mory’s was characterized by great comaraderie, lively conversation, laughter, good food, and song. We were gloriously serenaded by the Whiffs of 1995 who were back for their 20th reunion, and who bought themselves a cup in our official 1964 Cup, which was purchased at the Mory’s Fundraiser in New York in October. But the highlight of the affair was the presentation by Evans to Getman a/k/a Veritas of a plaque to recognize his painstakingly accurate renditions of the '64 outings for the last dozen or so years The plaque was inscribed in Latin to read “Plus stercoris tauri expellit” which translated means “Among honorable men, the truth is always triumphant.” You can look it up.
[Webmaster's note: If you were to actually look it up, or ask the Yale Classics Department (as John Evans did), you would find that the Latin phrase actually means "He throws out a lot of bullshit ."]