Yale University

Class News

Spring golf outing well attended

Our annual Class of 1964 spring golf outing transpired on Thursday, May 19, 2016 at the beautiful and renowned Yale Golf Course.

The photo at right is from the tee at the dreaded par 3 ninth hole, 190 yards over water to an impossible green. This hole has been ranked among the 100 most difficult holes in the United States.

In 1988, Golf Magazine ranked Yale as the 71st most difficult course in the world. Golfweek ranked Yale at #35 on its 2013 list of best classic courses. In 2011, Golf Magazine ranked the course #71 of the top 100 courses in the United States. In 2010, Golfweek named it the best campus course in the United States.

Pete Putzel provided the following photo of the participants, with these comments: "Great Class golf outing on May 19th! I'm sure Chris Getman will be submitting his usual fictitious account.  I was in a foursome with Tony Lee, Sam Francis, and Steve Norman (who played the back nine like Greg Norman)."

Scroll down below the photo to read Chris Getman's take on the proceedings.


by Chris Getman, audited by Delloite and Douche

Contrary to class tradition, the morning of May 19th broke crisp and clear. Hoffmann, comfortable in his job, was seen doing a rain dance on the 18th green.

Twenty-one erstwhile duffers showed up on what would prove to be a momentous day. The noon tee time had to be postponed for ten minutes as a front-end loader needed to be brought in to lift Putzel, Tully, and Blanchard from their kneeling positions (see the photo above). The format was best two balls per team, net.

The brash foursome of Francis, Lee, Norman, and Putzel — accepting the automatic two-stroke “taunting” penalty because Lee and Francis were walking — led the way. Next off were Sam and Ann Crocker and Ward and Tracy Wickwire, who again were assessed two strokes as Tracy insisted on playing from the blue tees, yet another “taunt.” Given the odd number of players, we split up into three foursomes and three threesomes, with the next group being Galvin, Schmidt, and Tully. They were followed by Hoffmann, Baxter, and Lindsay. The foursome of Getman, Nolan, Kalayjian, and Bob Blanchard, a transplant from the Class of 1961, was next with Evans, Hetherington, and Edwards bringing up the rear. We agreed to meet at Mory’s to be joined by Toddie Getman, Rebecca Hetherington, Marcia Kalayjian, and Sally Edwards.

Things moved smoothly until the 9th hole. Given the ravages of advancing age, many of us, including some of the more refined golfers, found that traversing the pond required a lower-loft club which summarily would deposit their balls into the gully. As a result, many of us, including Crocker, Edwards, Hetherington, Lindsay, and Getman, developed a technique whereby they’d hit a line drive into the bank across the pond hoping that it would slow the shot and allow the ball to trickle onto the green. These five and others who used this technique were perplexed by the fact that their balls all landed in the water. More on that later.

The groups toiled mightily for five hours and then gathered at Mory’s to tally the scores and swap war stories. Putzel was mysteriously absent. As noted, the format was “best two balls net.”

It soon became apparent that the Getman, Blanchard, Nolan, and Kalayjian foursome would be the winner. Any tie would have been broken by the fact that Toddie Getman was the only spouse who did not sit next to her husband, choosing rather to interact with others instead of the “same old, same old” conversations. Their round was highlighted by Kalayjian’s 39 on the front nine, and their total was 118, despite Nolan’s having left after the 15th hole. The next-highest score was 130.

The conversation shifted to the difficulty some of the more refined golfers — notably Crocker, Lindsay, Hetherington, Edwards, and Getman — experienced on nine.  As mentioned, progressive age had forced them to use low-loft clubs to clear the pond, but given the precise nature of their games, they would hit the ball into the bank and hope it dribbled onto the green. All were flummoxed by their lack of success. Eventually it was determined that the water level had risen precipitously. Lee, the tree hugger, remarked: “You see, that’s the result of climate change!” Physicists Francis and Evans pointed out that climate change occurred only in tidal areas.

Eventually it was concluded that the rise in the water level was caused by the abundance of balls deposited by Schmidt, Putzel, Hetherington, and Baxter during the course of the afternoon. This explained Putzel’s early departure and subsequent conversation which went as follows:

“Mr. Putzel, Donald Trump here.”

“Yes Don, what can I do for you?”

“I understand that you have a corner on the brick market due to that place called Mory’s, and have amassed enough bricks during the six years that Mory’s has re-opened to build an eight-foot-high wall from El Paso to Corpus Christi.  I’d like to buy them from you. For $1,000.”

“You're right about the bricks, but I want $100,000,000.”

“Do you realize that you’re dealing with the master of the deal? $100,000.”


“How about $1,000,000 and a weekend in Trump Tower?”


“Look, I’ll give you $10,000,000 if you’ll endorse me. Having the endorsement of a prominent Yalie would do wonders for my campaign. It’s those stoopid Harvard guys that I can’t stand.”

“Done,” said Putzel, who hung up and called Baxter about real estate in Mexico.