Class News
Chris Getman '64 reports on the fall golf outing
Our annual Class of 1964 fall golf outing transpired on Thursday, October 12, 2017 at the beautiful and renowned Yale Golf Course.
The photo at right is from the tee at the dreaded par 3 ninth hole, 190 yards over water to an impossible green. This hole has been ranked among the 100 most difficult holes in the United States.
In 1988, Golf Magazine ranked Yale as the 71st most difficult course in the world. Golfweek ranked Yale at #35 on its 2013 list of best classic courses. In 2011, Golf Magazine ranked the course #71 of the top 100 courses in the United States. In 2010, Golfweek named it the best campus course in the United States.
Below is a photo of the participants, followed by Chris Getman's faithful reporting of the proceedings.
GETMAN, THOUGH HE DIDN'T PLAY, NEVERTHELESS WON
The call was for clouds and scattered showers. Hoffmann, coming with Shultz from Philadelphia, encountered severe rainfall as did Capodilupo coming from the Cape. There were some small drops at the course, enough to allow Hoffmann to keep his job honoring the ironclad rule that it must rain during our outing.
The day started favorably for the foursome of Putzel, Edwards, Padley, and Norman. It seems that Padley and Edwards knew they would be playing together, so they told Galvin that the tee time was 12:30 rather than noon, knowing full well that the group photo would be greatly improved if Galvin were not in the group photo. For this brilliant insight the group was awarded a two-stroke reduction. Galvin was typically a last-minute arrival and therefore missed the photo. Unfortunately he had Post with him as well and Chuck, along with Hoffmann and Shultz who were battling torrential rain, also missed the group photo.
The first group decided collectively to play from the ladies ... er, forward ... er, senior tees and all reached the middle of the fairway.
Group Two, McFarland, Evans, Capodilupo, and Hetherington split the difference, with Alan, John, and Larry playing the green tees, and Butch moving forward. Characteristically, given the configuration of the upper tee, and ignoring warnings from onlookers, Alan, John, and Larry launched their drives into the bank on the left, while Butch was right down the middle. Despite being a member of the Forbes 400, McFarland spent five minutes looking for his $2.00 ball and his team was assessed a two-stroke penalty for delay of game.
Jones (replete in his plus-fours, and having just been placed as the cover boy for the GQ edition of Mad Magazine), Huffard, and Lee, all playing from the green tees, proceeded to hit into the rough and the traps on the left side of the fairway. Lee blamed his problem on having to standby while McFarland looked for his ball. Playing the senior tees, Lindsay was right down the middle. Ted and Jay sullenly headed off.
The final foursome consisted of Hoffmann, Shultz, Galvin, and Post. Both Chuck and Neil are recovering from serious afflictions, increasingly common with guys our age. Both showed great courage, and had two strokes deducted from their combined scores. Both Bill and Randy are grizzled veterans of the first tee. Both were in the fairway from the greens, a unique event for the day.
Things were progressing smoothly until the fifth hole. As the golf course had been stressed by bad weather, the secret hope of management was to deny the greens as much abuse as possible.
Foursome #1 obliged by leaving the green in its virginal condition. Sadly, McFarland hit the green and was immediately slapped with a sexual harassment suit resulting in a one-stroke penalty. Lee and Galvin followed suit with the same result. Capodilupo, realizing that he was going to spend a lot of time on the beach, brought his bathing suit, which he donned on five. The sight of Larry in a speedo was more than anyone could bear, and group #2 was assessed with a five-stroke penalty.
Evans appears to have been the only one in the group to hit 16 green off the tee. As a result, Hoffmann received a nice note from Peter Pulaski, the course manager, thanking us for our 4 of 32 success in maintaining the sanctity of the greens.
On nine, after Hoffmann dropped two balls into the pond and scratched his head.
“I took a couple of practice shots before we teed off,” he muttered. “The water level seems to have risen by about three feet since I was here two hours ago.” He cast a disparaging glance at Putzel who was seen in the clubhouse buying a dozen more balls.
Padley left early to get back to his new-found bride. On the advice of her college placement officer, Huffard headed back to Greenwich to drive his five-year-old granddaughter from her mud-wrestling class to her piccolo lesson which was next door. “You can’t start building resumes too early,” he remarked. Norman, realizing that he had 12 million points on his American Express card which were due to expire by the end of October, decided to charter a helicopter for the ride home. Giddy over breaking 110, he exulted “I think it will be fun to fly over the Clintons’ house in nearby Chappaqua and then land on the green in Rye.” He hasn’t been seen or heard from since. Putzel left early to go to Woodbridge Hall to negotiate the purchase of the Graduate School and tear it down in order to accommodate the bricks compiled by our class for Mory’s. It was also noted that he has $380 in back obligations from previous outings.
The rest of us assembled at Mory’s where the Hetherington team was allowed to deduct two strokes for bringing the radiant Rebecca. It was also noted that Lindsay had put a bump stock on his seven wood turning it into a driver, a clear violation of article 7, rule 3, subtitle a, which states that “a player shall not alter or enhance the performance of any of his clubs, without risk of penalty.” The Lindsay team was assessed a two-stroke penalty.
McFarland continued to grouse about the long delay is his wife’s being confirmed as the ambassador to Singapore. Alan mistakenly blamed it on the “vetting process in Congress,” but an investigative reporter for The Wall Street Journal discovered that the real delay came from Jim Rogers, who did not relish another guy wearing a bowtie in town. He called his buddy, Donald Trump, and asked that he consider offering K.T., a loyal supporter, a spot in the embassy in Kyrgyzstan. Stay tuned.
When it came time to post the scores, chaos ensued.
Team #1, Putzel, Norman, Padley, and Edwards, posted a tidy 150. The four points they were awarded for going 0 for 16 on the easy par threes and thereby maintaining the entire team’s virginity, plus the two they received for giving Galvin the false tee times, produced a net 144.
Team #2 , Capodilupo, McFarland, Evans, and Hetherington, claimed a 138. However, McFarland’s hitting the green on 5 and delay-of-game penalty, plus Capodilupo’s unfortunate Speedo performance, and Evans’s two-stroke penalty for violating the virginity of 16 minus two for bringing Rebecca, also resulted in a net 144.
On Team #3, Lee was penalized two strokes at the start for distracting everyone by baring his skinny and unsightly legs, and also was assigned a one-stroke ding for hitting the green on five. Lindsay added three strokes for his bump-stock move, and Jones, reveling in his GQ plaudits, was assessed a stroke when he removed his plaid vest unveiling a solid blue shirt, thereby compromising his reputation. The group reported a score of 137, which with the penalties resulted in a 144.
Team #4 — Hoffmann, Shultz, Galvin, and Post — turned in a 145. They were awarded two strokes for the courage displayed by Hoffmann and Post for sucking it up and playing in pain, but sadly Galvin’s reaching the green on five cost a stroke, so they also ended up with a net 144.
This being the case, the only alternative was to keep the names of last spring’s winning team on the trophy, namely Galvin, Schmidt, Jan Truebner, and Getman. This decision was proclaimed by acclamation by the committee.
It did not go unnoticed that many golfers, in addition to those who left early, not only did not reimburse for lost balls, but also neglected to step forward for their dinner tabs at Mory’s.
That said, a good time was had by all.