Class News

Ben Day ’64 is fighting cancer with tennis and humor

February 1, 2021

Note from Tony Lavely, ’64 Class Secretary:

Occasionally, I get news from a classmate that warrants more than a mere mention in Class Notes. Such is the case in these emails from Ben Day which are transcribed in their entirety. I have also included part of Ben’s personal essay from our 50th Reunion Class Book. By way of background, classmates should know that Ben’s father was Reverend Gardiner Day, Yale ’22, who served for a time on the Yale Corporation and was instrumental in having Martin Luther King’s honorary degree conferred. Thanks to Nick Danforth ’64 for encouraging Ben to send this material to me. (Also see this update published in the Wicked Local on March 20.)

Email from Nick Danforth to Ben:

BRAVO, BEN! KEEP THE FAITH! YOU EMBODY THE SPIRIT OF ‘64! Send your note, with photo, to Tony Lavely, so that both the message and the media are clear, and should be included in the Class News, especially now in the winter of our shared discontent: never say die!

Ben’s 50th reunion essay:

After my one year at Yale, I finished my B.S. in psychology at Columbia. Married into the Panamanian oligarchy in NYC in 1964 with Dick Roskos ’64, Todd Mueller, and Bill Carey ’64 as ushers. Marriage lasted only a couple of years as did my marriage in the 70s. Took the 80s off and married Roseann in the 90s. I stopped writing user guides for robots in 2008 and have focused on coaching tennis in New Hampshire and now in Massachusetts. I recently discovered my father’s diary from 1922 (his senior year at Yale). It may be of some interest to the University, since he was a fellow of the Corporation for a number of years. I am currently transcribing the 200+ pages.

Email from Ben:

My Christmas note to family and friends. Fifth Radium 223 re-scheduled from tomorrow to Thursday. Snow here in NE. I am sending out early Christmas greetings as my Radium 223 infusions take only a couple of minutes and are not worthy of photographs. My wife Roseann is doing well and has been taking excellent care of me. I’m currently (for two days) isolating at the Pine Sands hotel until my radioactivity becomes safe. Not much fun but necessary to protect Roseann and Sancha. Yesterday was my third nuclear infusion. Three more scheduled. PSA still climbing but “it’s just a number” according to Einstein. (It’s a four-digit number!). According to Einstein, I’m “unstoppable”!!! Oh yeah! I got this!!!

Earlier email from Ben:

Courtney (left) was captain my first year at South; her sister, Alli, was captain the next two years. Her second year was the COVID season. Alli and I have been playing doubles every Sunday for the past couple of months. It is the highlight of my week! Courtney was home from D.C. for Thanksgiving weekend. We all got together for breakfast at the nearby Blueberry Muffin. Nice to have Roseann and the girls’ parents present. When Courtney is home for Christmas, we’re going to play some more tennis!

First season (2018):

My first day on the courts at Plymouth South. I get to the courts before Tami and before any of the girls. I am quite nervous as I am not comfortable with strangers. As the girls start to arrive, my fears become moot as the girls do not seem to see me! Finally, one of the girls, Erika, says “Hello.” I grew to like Erika. She would sit with me and talk when we were all outside waiting for a bus. Again, she had special vision that allowed her to see me!

The season is only a couple of weeks old, and I’m still not feeling all that comfortable with the girls. I’m spending most of my time with the JV players who are not getting my overly dramatic coaching style. For example, when I explain something to them over and over and over again, yet they fail to do it when I feed a ball, I will sometimes scream and pretend to faint as I wail “Don’t take a big swing at the net!” and fall to the ground. I guess I should try to act as a grownup. Sometimes not easy for me. It’s a way of relieving stress.

I’m usually not comfortable with new people right away. I’m not good with small talk. Probably not desirable characteristics for a coach but then Tami is so good at keeping the practices moving along, my shyness and nervousness are not noticed, I hope! I do think, however, they are learning a bit from me and are having fun. I like that they usually do not take me too seriously but wish some would show some signs of wanting to get really good.

At an early match, Alli was playing third singles. I usually coach only doubles but since the other matches were finished, I went to Alli’s court where she, Coach Degelder, and Coach Carroll were talking by the side of the fence. After odd games when players change sides of the court, coaches are allowed to talk to their players. There was a pause in the conversation. Alli’s eyes were on the verge of tears, so I pulled a protein bar from my bag, handed it through the fence and told her, “This will make you invincible and guarantee you never get prostate cancer!” A hint of a smile crosses Alli’s face. The coaches look at me inquisitively. “It works for me!” I explain. I am supposed to consume two protein bars per day as part of my cancer treatment protocol, which is why I happened to have protein bars. Alli went back to finish the match. The next day, as the girls were finishing their quarter-mile, pre-practice-conditioning run, Alli, with a big smile on her face, walked alone out to the middle of the five courts towards me. What is she doing? Why is she coming out here? The other girls are watching! What’s happening? Alli approaches with a huge, welcoming, smile, raises her hand in a fist and she gives me a friendly fist bump! WOW!!!! That’s never happened in ten years of coaching!

Second season 2019:

Middle of second season, Alli is now playing first singles. Again, Alli’s match is the last. Alli is a steady, heavy cross-court hitter and wins by beating on her opponents with her powerful shots and amazing stamina until they lose their will to win! The overall match is even (two wins each) and will be decided by the outcome of Alli’s match! Alli’s match is also a tie! She and her opponent have each won a set. Alli’s match and the team’s victory depend on the final ten-point tie breaker! Coach Degelder, Coach Carroll, and Alli’s mother are at the fence. Alli, her face flushed and sweating, eyes wide, asks her mother for her inhaler. Her Dad says. “I didn’t know she had an inhaler!” “She just got it.” her mother says. Alli takes a step towards me locks her eyes firmly on mine and announces loudly, “I’m going to win this one for YOU!!!” OMG That’s NEVER happened! Drawing on deep energy reserves, raw willpower, courage, and fortitude Alli won 13 to 11 and claimed another piece of my heart!

Late 2020:

So, I’m making the most of a not-so-good situation. Surprisingly it has brought out in me a determined will to keep fighting of which I was unaware! The oncologists at Beth Israel Deaconess in Boston are amazed I’m tolerating ten months of chemo and radium infusions while continuing to play tennis five times a week. Who knew I could do that? I sure didn’t! But my life is so good now, I really want to keep going!

These past few years have been the best. The past three years at South with Tami and the girls whose support and encouragement keep me getting up in the morning, anticipating the day. As part of my arsenal of weapons against M CRAP C (metastatic castration-resistant advanced prostate cancer), I have created a phantasm of light and energy comprising Tami and the girls (all girls from ten years of coaching who support me) that surrounds and protects me from evil as we travel through time at the speed of light. I believe this phantasm is as important as the chemicals of Doctor Einstein in my fight! The oncologists with whom I have shared this belief all agree: a positive, mental attitude is crucial.

The Radium 223 infusion has relieved the pain in my lower back from which I have been suffering for months! It’s supposed to do that, but who knew it would work so well? Pain is gone! No more six to eight Tylenol every day!!! I have talked about “winning” in my fight. Dr. Einstein cautioned me about thinking that way. Of course, the cancer will win. But every day on the court is a win for me! Every Sunday doubles with Alli is a win. Every morning I wake up is a win! Oh yeah! I got this!!! Staying positive and protected while on the road, I have tagged my three vehicles with “Tami and The Girls” plates. (Three languages.) The bike is new (2018), car newer (2020), T AND TG is an antique (1995) with 36K miles, all mine. Life is good! Better than ever!

January 31:

I just got Moderna at Gillette. Roseann signed us up early Wednesday, I think. Having a doctorate in math from U of Chicago may have given her an advantage. I’m OK with that! And she made appointments for second shot February 28 while waiting for me! My Mantra Photo: “Fuck you, Cancer!!!”

February 1:

Since this is my first contact, just to bring an update. We see this photo every year of Dr. King with my Dad! According to my Mom, Dad just would not shut up at Corporation meetings, insisting the University grant Dr. King an honorary degree! Finally, they gave up. I guess he just wore them down, but “You have to march with him, Reverend Day!” I don’t know they really said that, but it sounds good! BTW, my parents are buried in Old Burying Ground next to his church!!

February 2:

This is the first time I’ve contacted anybody! Fifty-six years since class graduated! Enlisting as much support as possible!!! Radium postponed to Thursday. Played this morning. Not bad. Life is good to me!

A bit more ... Tami is my head coach and teacher at Plymouth South. She just won “best high-school tennis coach” in Mass! She also teaches TV broadcast news (she was a TV anchor in North Dakota and Florida before switching to teaching). Her TV class was voted fifth best in the country!!!

For some reason that I feel is unrelated to me, my life keeps getting better! I’ve been getting chemo and radium for MCRAPC (metastatic castration-resistant advanced prostate cancer). First diagnosed Feb 14, 2017. PSA over 1000 (yup!) even though I was in clinical trial for M6620, so switched me to Radium 223. Fifth of six infusions Tuesday at BID Boston. During heat wave in August a senior oncologist at Beth Israel Deaconess said to me, “You’re 78 going on 79 and you’re playing tennis five times a week in this heat! You’re amazing! You’re a specimen!” I’m certainly not going to argue with my doctor! For the past eleven years, I have been coaching girls high-school tennis (someone has to do it) and have let all the docs know that I’m going to keep it up. So, make sure your potions do not interfere! I have to be on court six days a week starting April 5th.