Class News
Golf Outing, Spring 2011
The photo below memorializes the participants on this fine day. Below the photo is an account of the day's events. Careful readers will note that this account is somewhat less coherent than our usual golf-reporting standard, set by Chris Getman. The account below was written by a guest reporter, whose byline can be found at the end of the piece.
L-R Rice, Walker '62, Hetherington, Lee, Getman, Stacks, Engel H'67, Putzel,
Lindsay, Hoffmann, Chester, Evans, Barnard, McAlenney
Class of 1964 Golf Outing May 2011
The day broke crisp and clear. Sixteen of us gathered at Widdy's
restaurant at the Yale Golf Course, shocked and dismayed by the
beautiful weather.
New members from our class included Tom Barnard, Paul McAlenney, John
Stacks, and Peter Rice and his wife Nancy. Putzel brought in his usual
stable of ringers, including regular participant John Walker, Y '62 and
Tom Engel, H '67, both of whom he knew from his days as a young
prosecutor in New York.
Sadly missing were Wilson, Francis, Crabtree and Kalayjian who had
emergency calls from Federal Officer Mark Neveau of FEMA instructing
them to hightail it down to Vicksburg, Mississippi to help sandbag the
raging river. Sandbagger emeritus Bob Chester was given a reprieve after
forty years of distinguished service, and arrived with Neil Hoffmann to
try to fleece our unsuspecting classmates with as much dexterity as he
had in the past.. Peter Truebner was unable to attend due to a previous
commitment to mail a letter. Martin Padley, after the assassination of
Osama bin Laden, has been relegated to the witness protection program,
and now is more incommunicado than ever.
After a slight issue in the restaurant where Lee insisted that he and
two other guys had split a sandwich three ways and therefore one cover
should take care of the whole table, particularly since he had had only
three French fries, we adjourned to the first tee where the group photo
was made possible only by the acuity of Getman's wide-angle camera lens.
Once the rules regarding mulligans, foot mashies, whiffs (if you don't
say "#@%$@, it's a practice swing and not a whiff), and gimmes (for some
groups anything inside 20 feet) were established, we broke up into
foursomes.
Group one consisted of Stacks and the three prosecutors, with Stacks as
the embedded correspondent to make sure that Putzel's pledge of $25 for
unlimited mulligans to restore Mory's was diligently enforced. Sensing a
windfall and the funds for much needed furniture for the Cup Room,
Getman began to salivate.
Group two was McAlenney, Barnard (both teammates on the crew), Lindsay,
and Lee, walking and in shorts which revealed legs one would hope spent
most of their time in the woods. The indomitable Ug had also devised a
new way to commute, using a windsurfer on skateboard. It had worked
splendidly until he got a speeding ticket outside of Hartford for going
80 in a 65 mph zone. Group two also dominated the gorge on the first tee
with dispatch.
Group three enjoyed Evans, Hetherington, and Peter and Nancy Rice and
also showed great prowess leading off.
Finally, group four consisting of Hoffmann, Chester, Galvin and Getman
took their turn without embarrassment. Immediately after teeing off,
Hoffmann and Chester unwrapped and began smoking long cylindrical items
they claimed were "cigars."
Several interesting things happened during the course of the event.
First, because Truebner was not present, we were able to play in a
respectable four hours and forty-five minutes. This made the adjournment
to Mory's timely and well attended.
Evans was seen praying to the spirit of the late Al Capp, asking Joe
Blvitch to show up and deliver some rain. He was worried that if we had
two seasons of good weather in a row he might lose his job as Chairman
of the 1964 Outing. Mr. Capp responded positively and we did have a
sprinkle when we were on eight and nine which guaranteed Evans his
tenure as event Chairman at least for next year and brought welcome
smiles to all present.
On the 12th hole, while Lee was in the woods, hiding his legs and
looking for his ball, McAlenney and Barnard began to reminisce about
their time together on the crew. Raising his voice the former cox began
yelling "stroke, stroke, stroke" to which the Pavlovian Barnard
responded dutifully. An astonished Lindsay was unable to stop them, and
it wasn't until Lee returned from the woods and tackled Barnard that the
carnage was stopped. Sadly, Barnard had taken thirty-six strokes,
thereby effectively eliminating team two from the competition.
Team four posted a net 70, which was even par. What was amazing was that
the more "cigars" Hoffmann and Chester smoked, the better they played.
Hoffmann posted a 39 on the back nine to go with his 40 on the front,
and Chester at age 78, shot 47-44-91. However, going up sixteen, some of
their fumes activated a drug detector, placed strategically in the
bushes for that specific purpose, and team four was greeted by course
superintendent, Peter Pulaski, in the parking lot. Pulaski administered
a simple test on Neil and Bob which immediately came out positive.
"I wonder what you guys have been smoking," mused Pulaski, echoing the
sentiments of Galvin and Getman, and he promptly disqualified team four,
thereby negating a solid 82 by Galvin. Getman's score was not recorded
because the pencil ran out of lead before it could be totaled.
Back at Mory's, Captain Evans reported that he, Hetherington, and the
Rice duo had accumulated a gross 410 and fully expected to finish last.
He was unaware of the Barnard fiasco and the disqualification of team
four. Thus, the afternoon boiled down to teams one and three for the
title.
Stacks, the embedded reporter and witness, was nowhere to be seen, and
the three prosecutors seemed quite resolute in making their report.
Putzel announced, "I only played one ball," to which Lindsay replied,
"and yes, pigs can fly, but only on airplanes." The concept of Putzel's
playing only one ball, is plausible, although a strange deviation from
his normal approach, but that he played the same ball for all nineteen
holes, is about as remote as a avian pig. This theory came from
Hetherington, an astute lawyer. Nonetheless, the three prosecutors
became increasingly resolute, and the word "subpoena," was uttered
gutturally by both Engel and Walker. Since the witness, Stacks, was
nowhere to be found (he was later discovered tied up in a closet),
Getman, as visions of Cup Room furniture danced from his head,
reluctantly accepted their net 68.
We forget, however, that Evans was a physics major, a profession
designed to make reason of chaos. He had created a formula, 4P/WxG^H-#@&*#+L
― which has something to do with a combination of four putts, whiffs,
gimmes, profanities, and lost balls ― and came up with a net 63 for
group three, which he, in his role as Commissioner, thereby declared the
winner.
Once again team four won the nineteenth hole handily. They were joined
by regular, Brin Ford (H '64) who, though on the DL, had two see-throughs
before Judge Walker had ordered his first beer, his lovely wife Joy, and
our classmate Toddie Getman. Although Lindsay did his best for team two
by ordering a jeroboam martini, and Lee, noting that the wind had
shifted to the southwest, making his trip home a breeze, ordered a beer
to go with his bean-sprout salad. Evans, Butch, and both Rices were
joined by the irrepressible Rebecca Hetherington, a double legacy DEKE,
but it didn't help, and team four took home the honors.
A good time was had by all.
Respectfully submitted,
Partley, Klaudi, Wynne, Dee and Milde, LLC
Hugh G. Rection CPA